Unshed Tears
by Icya
Summary: A short trip into Duo's mind and his thoughts about his past.


Unshed tears.   
I have no more tears left to shed; I have no more energy left to cry. On that day, I have learned the true meaning of sadness; I have felt pain thousand times greater than a flesh wound.   
On that day, everything was a blur to me. The building was a mess, hell, it was almost gone. A bright red liquid filled the stone pavements of the church's ground, where bodies lay motionlessly as it dripped and formed a little stream of crimson. The air was heavy with a scent of blood, a scent of death.   
On that day, I have stolen a mobile suit and came back alive. Alive only to find everything gone, everything that I know, everything dear to me, everything familiar to me gone. The building that I have lived in, the kids that I hung out with, and the people that cared for me.   
Oh that day, I have found Father Maxwell dead, no more words. He looked peaceful in fact, just then. Even if he was dead, he looked happy, as if he does believe that there was a God. His hands by his side, where it did not move when I touched it, where it have no pulse.   
On that day, I have found sister Helen, dying in my arms. She was one of those that really cared about me, along with Father, and Solo. She was badly hurt with blood dripping from the corner of her mouth, she was dying. Yet, she managed me a smile and a conversation, where she kept on telling me that God would look out for me, where she said Father Maxwell had prayed till he was dead, prayed till he can not any more.   
On that day, I have heard Sister Helen's last words. "The Lord keep you, the Lord make his face shine upon you, the Lord be gracious to you and give you peace." With that, she left me, she left me like everyone else, like everyone I've ever known.   
On that day, I have cried.   
I have cried till tears wouldn't come any more, I cried till there was nothing left of me except for a shell of a person, a sheet of skin, meat and bones, nothing more. I'm empty of feelings, empty of emotions, empty of love, passion, and much more.   
But on that day, I have given myself a name, Duo Maxwell. Duo for Solo, for he will always be with me if I have that name, and Maxwell for Father Maxwell and the Maxwell church, where I met Sister Helen and have been loved. I have given myself a mask, a mask of happiness that would never leave my face again, a grin filled mask to hide that empty eyes and that sad expression. I could not let it leave me, for if it does disappear, I would have nothing left, nothing left but a boy with a wound in his heart that would never heal, for that, he would never love.   
No matter what Sister Helen had said, there is no God. If there was a God, why didn't he stop the war, if there was a God, why did he left the poor on the street where no one would care for them? If there was a God, why did he only give me pain, and nothing else? Was it because I did not believe him, so he made all of us suffer? Or was it that he was never there? No, there is no God, never was, and never will be.   
There is no God, but there is a Shinigami. I saw no peace, no love; I've only seen the wounded, the dying, and the dead. There is a Shinigami, for I will become him. I will bring death, sadness, pain, and despair, for that is all I know, for that is all that's left of me.   
I can't cry anymore.   
But the other four still could.   
Heero 'the perfect soldier' Yuy would shed his tear if Relena left him, if she would disappear from his life. Even though he did not want to admit to it, he loved her and he cared for her. Even though he did not show his emotions, he would not let her go.   
Trowa 'the emotionless clown' Barton would weep if Catherine dies, if she left him alone in the world with no one else. She was all he had left, all he had that was keeping him sane. If she would to leave him, he would fall and shatter into thousand of pieces, like a fragile mirror.   
Quatre 'the wounded angel' Winner would cry if any of his sisters were gone, if they too, had joined their parents. Even though he was the youngest among the thirty of them, even though he was picked on for being the only boy, they were still dear to him.   
Chang 'the lone warrior' Wufei would break down if Nataku was mentioned to him, if she was in his mind. If she was truly pointed out for him, if he would to face his past, he would break down with tear just like any man who would feel.   
But as for me? Would I cry?   
I don't know.   
Because, on that day, I forgot how.   
  
  
That was something I just came up with, and it's the shortest fic I've ever written. In fact, I started the outline of this fic at three in the morning, so don't mind me if it's a bit bad.   
And of course, I do not own any of the GW characters. *Waaaaa* *sniff*


End file.
